This is going to be really funny but at the same time educational. Forgive the curse words and expressions, they are just there to create a dramatic effect for my readers; who are a very tolerant lot - at least that is what I think. So in 2011 is when I lost sight; went blind, the lights were shut off permanently. Earlier to that I had no experience in being so, trust me on that. Ever since, I have been documenting all kind of experiences to do with my blindness; Blind Bloopers: is a series of posts on my blog that documents the funnies of being in my situation. So sit back, don't pop that corn or cherry, cringe and hold on to your pants because there is no porn on this post but there is a possibility that you will laugh your pants off!
I hate starting my sentences with the word "So", "If", "and", "but" etc. It is also grammatically incorrect to start sentences with those words, but who gives a shit about grandma, let’s get on with the post and discuss the "Stupid things that people do around blind people".
For some reason every person I meet, well not every person but most people I meet knows an expert that can solve my blindness or cure it, so they say. This expert is not limited to doctors and that difficult word to spell for an eye specialist optho something! The choices I have are:
1. Ayurveda, The ancient Indian medical system. This one is special because it uses natural herbs and medicines with no side effects to cure the root of the problem. However, in order to have these medicines work for you, one must give up the following: Tea, Coffee, Sex with dogs, getting up the wrong side of the wrong bed etc. Come on, like you didn't have sex with a dog, or have it lick your balls. In other words there are a lot of restrictions on diet and other lifestyle behaviors you will have to change. The tablets and medicines you take in this type of treatment are also strange, they need to be eaten in a particular way like with one ear on the ground and the other on the breast of a cow. Unfortunately, knowing me; I don't follow such rules; neither can I give up sex with dogs; actually I mean bitches - I was trying to be gender neutral. In conclusion; I did try out this kind of treatment where I was asked to stare at a lamp and also eat some mud with worms in it that was boiled in water; herbal tea kind of thing. I gave up and look I am cured! I can now type on the computer, use a smart phone, have sex with bitches again and find my penis in the dark and shake it however the way I want…
Should I have given an adult content disclaimer before luring my readers to read this kind of a post? Well, it’s never too late to do so; so here is the disclaimer:
“The author of this post did not have sex with bitches because of the fear of getting PMS; there were no dogs or bitches hurt during writing this post. What happened after that is none of your business. You are reading this post because you have access to the internet and a very small you know what. The author is not responsible for you having sex with any bitch or dog post reading this post. You and you alone will be responsible for that, but if anyone asks why, please send them the link to this post so that I get more readers. This disclaimer in entirety is bull; you can ignore it as you do the smell of your own fart.”
P.S. This is the only disclaimer you will get on this series of posts; so go fish!
To be continued in Part 2 coming shortly to The Somebody, Nobody, Anybody and Everybody Blog!
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enjoyed reading, but can you share phone numbers of some of the bitches you are talking about?
ReplyDeleteWait there are more such posts to be published; be patient as ignorance is a bliss!
DeleteGreat topic. Hope you post more about this soon.
ReplyDelete